Tooele Transcript Bulletin – News in Tooele, Utah

The Hamilton Papers

My dog is quite the babe and it doesn’t help that she’s a flirt

Thursday, September 10th, 2015

My dog is quite the babe and it doesn’t help that she’s a flirt

Apparently my dog is quite the looker. I gather this from all the howls of excitement and panting I get from other dogs while taking her on a walk. Yup, she’s quite the babe, but she certainly...

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To me, a mall full of women’s clothing stores is real perdition

Thursday, August 27th, 2015

To me, a mall full of women’s clothing stores is real perdition

Someone once asked me what I thought hell would be like (I guess he had some premonition about my final destination). I informed him I grew up with six sisters, and at one time or another, I...

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Don’t ever let me bag my own groceries in the self-checkout

Thursday, August 13th, 2015

Don’t ever let me bag my own groceries in the self-checkout

“Unexpected item in bagging area. Please remove item before continuing.” Who hasn’t heard that annoying phrase since the installation of self-checkout lanes in all the supermarkets of late? These lanes were meant to simplify the checkout process,...

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Working out at Gold’s Gym has wide appeal

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

Working out at Gold’s Gym has wide appeal

It appears to me that the central hub of nearly all Tooele society is Gold’s Gym. I’ve heard that when Gold’s Gym opened a couple years ago it had more membership applications in the first 20 minutes...

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Pre-mortal traits absolve me of some of the blame

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

Pre-mortal traits absolve me of some of the blame

While observing my children I have often wondered which traits they inherited from myself and their mother and what they may have developed on their own before they were born. We Mormons believe in a pre-existence where...

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With TLC, junker car provided faithful service in mission field until sisters got hold of him

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

With TLC, junker car provided faithful service in mission field until sisters got hold of him

Like many members of the Mormon Church, I did my duty by serving a two-year mission preaching repentance and Family Home Evening to the wayward masses. (One missed FHE equals one hour of drug rehab for your...

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Experiencing the passage of time makes changes seem natural

Thursday, September 30th, 2010

Experiencing the passage of time makes changes seem natural

While sitting in line at the drive-thru at a certain to-remain-unnamed “fast”-food joint in town, waiting for the cheese to cure I suppose, it occurred to me how time plays tricks with you. The other day, my...

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A brief, anthropological history, of the ‘man cave’

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

A brief, anthropological history, of the ‘man cave’

I have an anthropological hypothesis for the evolution of the Man Cave. You know that special room/garage/shed/doghouse where married men go to escape the general confusion of domestic life? We men all have them. Even the American...

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Tooele County homes need real deal throne rooms

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

Tooele County homes need real deal throne rooms

I think decent bathrooms are illegal here in Utah. When my wife and I were moving to Tooele from Las Vegas six years ago, we toured dozens of potential houses to buy. Every one of them, at...

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Workshop builds more frightening things than bears

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Workshop builds more frightening things than bears

What a racket! The Sicilian Mafia could learn from these guys!” That was my exclamation upon exiting Build-A-Bear Workshop at the Gateway Mall in Salt Lake the other day. I have never seen such a collection of...

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