Tooele Transcript Bulletin – News in Tooele, Utah

March 10, 2005
Opening day is just a few weeks away

April is just around the corner, and that means baseball season is here!

What could be better than opening day of the Major League Baseball season?

What a wonderful opportunity to gather together the family unit, and spend some real quality time together.

I always like to first locate the remote control. Then I spend the entire day on the couch watching game after game of the sport that helped make America great. The sport that sustained us through two world wars and the “Great Depression.” The sport that spawned the current President of the United States of America.

There are so many “Opening Day” traditions that baseball fans enjoy. An old friend of mine used to take time off from work every opening day and spend that time at Arlington Stadium watching his beloved Rangers. It was an unwritten rule in his family that nothing interfered with the tradition.

Even though my friend has grown up and become a responsible parent and can no longer participate in that tradition, his heart is there every season.

Another friend takes the day off and spends it at the local “Sports Book” watching multiple games at the same time. All the while he’s discussing the statistics and records from previous players and teams with everybody who has an opinion. He doesn’t leave until every game has ended.

Still others start salivating on the day pitchers and catchers report to spring training. It is what fills them with hope. Pitchers and catchers day marks the time to start getting ready for the new season! They will spend the day discussing trades, acquisitions, prospects and about every statistic ever recorded. These guys know everything there is to know about the sport and can recite it from memory on demand. Some can’t tie their shoes, but they know baseball inside and out.

Because of some evidence obtained by the latest space probe, scientists are now puzzling over whether or not there is life on Mars. To me the answer is obvious enough. Clearly, it’s a resounding “NO.” How can anyone be so sure? Simple. There are no baseball fields.

If anybody lived on Mars, they would have baseball and baseball fields. If it were a truly advanced civilization, they would even have Yankees Stadium. (If they are not so bright, I guess they could have a Fenway Park).

Any country, planet or people that don’t enjoy baseball should not be trusted. That should be the basic tenant of the president’s foreign policy — and the measuring stick we should use as individuals.

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